He doesn't love you if...

About a month ago my fiancé' and I had an embarrassing argument in front of others. What makes it embarrassing is that most people want to keep certain parts of their relationship private, or at least be given the opportunity to share and confide in those they trust with their deepest secrets. Now an argument is not necessarily a deep dark secret all couples have them and if you don't someone is lying to themselves or to their significant other. The content of the argument was not even bad it was very trivial and not the least bit earthshattering. As a matter of fact it should not have even been an argument. So what made this argument so embarrassing or humiliating? Watching an argument between myself and my fiancé is like watching a lion attack a deer. That's what happens when you put an overly aggressive person with a passive aggressive student of psychology. Let me explain, Our relationship was built on friendship and 'couch time' before taking the plunge into relationship and now approaching marriage. Ten years and two kids later I have learned how to fight with my husband to be. Because he doesn't fight fair. He has learned that he cannot beat me in a verbal argument so in order to win he feels his size and hurtful words are necessary. I on the other hand have learned that if you allow him to speak rather I agree or not the disagreement is over much faster and we can move forward to being the happy couple that we typically are. Keep in mind that I am passive aggressive and if I do not agree with his point when the argument ends, even if I stood there like a small meek woman I am going to do what I want or feel is best anyway, and heaven forbid he has a point I will make sure that I do whatever I have to so he can never prove that point again. Now as a couple we have discussed this and it is not the way to handle conflict. He shouldn't use intimidation and I shouldn't spend my free time following an argument finding ways to '1 up him'. You do not fight dirty in an argument, contrary to the 'rhyme' we all learned as kids, words do hurt and they leave lasting effects. This brings me to the title. Since this incident took place in front of others it was an even bigger deal than had it taken place alone at home. And someone said something to me that I can't get out of my head, not because I believe it or that I need to rethink my relationship but because I felt foolish. "He doesn't love you if he would talk to you like that"...How many times have we heard something like that regarding our relationship? If he loves you he wouldn't cheat on you. If he loves you he would get off his a** and get a job. If she loves you she would cook and clean. As individuals we all love differently. For the cheating husband who loves his devoted wife but can't seem to keep it in his pants. We honestly can't say for certainty that he doesn't love his wife, however we do know that he's too selfish to do the right thing. For the spouse struggling with addiction who loves his/her family you can't say he/she doesn't love their family enough to kick the habit, it's much deeper than that. To the lazy new age man who can't get motivated enough to get a job it has nothing to do with love. Now don't use this as a means to stay in a useless, destructive, abusive relationship but know the difference when you have something good that's worth fighting for. All relationships will fall short but be open and honest with each other, be open to change and criticism and fight fair when disagreements occur. Remember we have a tendency to share more bad news than good news with our loved ones so weigh advice carefully. People come to me for advice because I'm a good listener not because I give such awesome feedback, but because I'm able to help people point out what they really want, if its attainable, and are they willing to walk away if it's not. And yes I can say He loves me unconditionally with all his heart and I him, but we are not perfect. Through prayer and hard work we will be one.