Love Changes

Many of us live life with the expectation that we will find a life partner.  This is not just women, but men also dream about the opportunity of settling down.  In our dreams, we rarely consider the peaks and valleys of love.

 

I was recently digging through some old projects and came across a blog that a friend of mine wrote for a collaboration.  In this, she talked about how her husband loved her unconditionally without expectations of changing her. It was a beautiful insight to a woman knowing her worth, and marrying a man that found value in it.  Fast forward four years, this couple is now going through a divorce. I found myself smiling at the blog entry, wondering if I sent it to her could it rekindle the love they had for one another and change their circumstances. 

 

As a married woman, I know that feelings and expressions of love are not consistent throughout marriage.  The for better or worse can actually happen in the beginning and the middle for some of us.  I knew from my parents’ marriage that every day wasn’t rosy and that every anniversary wasn’t happy.  Even though you’ve chosen someone to be in your life forever, life happens.  You have children, you experience losses, you experience triumphs, and you experience self-reflection.  Either of these circumstances (and many more) can make or break a marriage.  So how do you resolve and make sure your marriage endures?  My husband and I learned from some couples who have lasting power that you have to take divorce off the table.

 

I know that in this day and age, that might sound ridiculous.  We live in a time that getting out of a bad situation has to be an option.  But let me paint a different picture for you.  When I think about how God has been a consistent love for me, I’m reminded of how real unconditional love is.  I’ve done things that I’m not proud of, and yet God loves me.  Let’s look at it from yet another perspective. As parents our kids will continuously make decisions and do things that upset us, yet you love them.  You can’t divorce them per se. We love what we’ve birthed far more than what we chose. Marriage was the first union that God created.  We have to honor that unconditionally.

 

There are tons of things that lead to divorce.  Most of which, I will not make light of.  No one should stay in a relationship where they live in fear.  No one should stay in a relationship if their partner is going to be a habitual offender to the sanctity of marriage.  But for those of you that are not married yet, go into your marriage knowing that this is your forever.  You and your partner must be on the same page in so many respects so that the world cannot come in and divide you.  This is your LIFE partner.  And when you get to that place in your marriage where you feel like you don’t want to be there any more, tug on that 3-cord rope that God resides in, and let Him have His way.  Believe me, there’s no such thing as a road to Happily Ever After, that doesn’t have a pothole, sink hole, rugged pavement or the impossible icy hill.  Turn on your all-wheel drive and hit the gas pedal and never stop moving forward.  When you say “I do”, you have to make sure that you actually “do”.

And to my husband…buckle up with that 3-cord rope honey.  I’m pressing on the gas love, and we press on.

 

Perfectly Imperfect

Relationships are perfectly imperfect. They are full of flaws, baggage, past relationships, failed dreams, lost hopes, but most of all love and faith. No two people are exactly alike and I've heard if two people agree on everything then one person is not needed. This premise alone makes co-existing with one another even that much more difficult. How do you approach the differences that make you an individual and would it be bliss if you had someone who agreed with your every thought, desire, and want? Is that truly possible or would that person only compromise who they are in efforts to make the other happy. Am I saying that conflict is good and necessary not really, but I am saying it is inevitable, advoidable, and needed in any relationship both healthy and unhealthy. Let me start by first saying pick your poison. What I mean by this is know what you will and will not except. Set reasonable expectations for you, your mate, and your relationship. With that being done, you except that there will be differences, there will be occassional selfishness, laziness, and uncleanliness but there is an exceptable level that you are willing to deal with in order to maintain a happy relationship. Sounds good right? The problem is that we get in relationships before we have determined what those expectations are. Before you know it you're either constantly bickering, complaining, or compromising because you didn't know yourself before you were attached to someone else. It's not too late. Find yourself. Know who you are, love you unconditionally and know what it takes to make you happy. Understand the needs and wants of your heart. What you can take or leave; then and only then will you know what your poison is. If you are already in a relationship, spend time alone, work on your spiritual growth, fix those flaws you keep complaining about and feel good about being who you are. This doesn't mean neglect your mate, walk away, or tell them we need a break. Contrary to what people believe you can work on yourself and continue a relationship. The reason I suggest not immediately walking away is because you may find that things are not that bad, you are generally happy and the differences you have are that of a normal couple, with differing views, upbringing, causes, etc. However you may also find that once you have found you, that you have been compromising yourself, your beliefs, wants, desires and dreams for the good of someone else, and at that time you will finally have the strength to walk away if need be....